I have the power in my mind to split my forearms lengthways, spill out any last litres of repulsion, and draw on the stenches. I'll turn to the pharmaceutical cabinet with a large glass of wine, swallow fifty dry and two hundred with a quenched throat, after the bath is drawn. And slipping into the water I'll think about the faces, feel the heavy roll of intoxication under a smother of convulsions, and realise in one mighty wave that I have finally found peace.